Friday, November 7, 2008

My life would be better if I had more ________.

I've been participating in the Hot for the Holidays weight loss challenge over at Baby Tea Leaves each week. She usually has a prompt for blogging but I've been so busy lately that I have only done one of them. As you can see by blogging evidence I'm not on here much anymore - I'll work on that. However, I saw her prompt for today and it got me thinking.

How would my life be better? Pretty much my life as it is today is the way it will be. It would be better if I was a bit more outgoing. I take a long time to settle in and to make friends. Actually it's finding people that I am comfortable with that is the problem. I see myself so outside the circle that they are. I am not THAT girl so why would I want to hang out with them? Or better yet, why would they want to hang out with me? I am also not the one to call and ask if you want to go do something - I have this rejection phobia so I will just sit here. Don't get me wrong I do have some close friends. I have friends that I could drop by unannounced and spend the whole day and we would have a blast - but it's the new friends I have trouble with.

I was also thinking that my life would probably be better if I had made decisions based on what I wanted. I tend to be a pleaser and I do what is expected of me. I do what other people WANTED me to do - so as not to disappoint them and their expectations of me. When you live your life the way it was "expected" you miss out on a lot. When your head talks above your heart it leaves you with a wonder that can carry on for far too many years. I can look back and see how many amazing things I have in my life and things that I would never give up but I also have to wonder if I had lived the life I wanted to - how much different that would have been. How much different would I be?

1 comment:

Christie O. said...

oh boy. way to reverse the thought-provokingness. I struggle with this too, the second part. Sometimes I am sad that I didn't stop and say, "Wait! But THIS is what I want." Because there are way too many times that I see myself having done what everyone else wants. But then I get all tangled up in the wouldvecouldveshouldves and get all depressed. So now I've decided that at the very least, for now and for the future, I'll start speaking up so at least I can make my wants known and form some compromises. Nothing much I can change now about the past! No doubt things would've been different somehow, but the point I am at now I wouldn't change anyway. It's a tough one. I think about this all the time.

Anyway, have I mentioned hurrah to you!??? Great job on the loss and great job for breaking that barrier! One more measly pound to get to that decade for me! Next week, baby!