Thursday, November 13, 2008


I've been thinking lately about secrets and who we tell them to. Do you have a friend that knows all the dirty details of your life? Do you share every thought with your spouse? Is the person you tell your secrets to in fact a secret? Some of us, I'm sure, tell our secrets in our blogs. I can look back through the different stages of my life, crap I'm having stages of life now, that's not cool. Anyway - I can look back and remember who I told my secrets too. In high school it was pretty easy, you find your BFF and that's it. Easy enough to divulge what boy you like and how many times he kissed you on Friday night or whatever the latest event in your life was.

I can count on one hand the friends in my adult life that I have shared a significant secret with. I think the main reason for this is because you have to be pretty sure that the person you are talking to understands you. Someone that sees MORE than what you are saying. Turning it a little bit I remember when I got married and my Mom gave me the advice to never say anything bad about my husband because for some people that would be the one thing they remember or opinion they have. I know how much this is true because I've seen people in their blogs go on and on about how horrible their spouse has been and then they are shocked when people say "oh he is a jerk". The back pedaling starts and they realize that they were just annoyed and that in fact their spouse isn't a jerk - but too late - opinion formed. If you think you're spouse is being an idiot it works out much better if you share this with someone who knows that in fact YOU are the idiot. I've had friends in real life as well who have people convinced that they live a horrible life just because that is ALL they ever talk about.

I also think some people share things too easily. There are times my own husband says something to someone and I think to myself that I would NEVER have said that. I think I live my life a little more privately than he does. He has no trouble sharing health issues, financial problems, issues with our children and who knows what. I could probably be bleeding to death before I would mention I was a little worried. I have had to specifically TELL him not to mention X to so and so because I know he will. Perhaps this is because I worry about how those issues will reflect on me and apparently he doesn't care. hahah I don't know.

I do think it is good to have someone who understands you. Someone who knows exactly what it takes to make you laugh and someone who knows just how to put you back in your place when you need to be. Someone that you just talk to and you don't realize you are sharing the most private parts of your life because you are so comfortable with them that it doesn't occur to you to NOT share your life with them.

Of course if you don't have anyone to hear your secrets you could always go here PostSecret but I would hope that you have someone to listen to you and someone you listen to in return. I am also not going to be held responsible for any of those secrets people post because most of them are those ones that I would NOT share. Even annonymously. (They are not always rated PG so view at your own risk - I'm not a regular visitor of the site either - my own disclaimer.)


Jen said...

How interesting. I don't have a lot of "dirty secrets" so no need to share them. But yes some things are personal--like finances, etc and I don't share.

Amazed said...

I once wrote a poem called "Secrets." The last stanza goes like this:

They are just too enticing. When secrets
are mentioned, people’s ears perk
like a cat’s--sharp, attentive.
There is a hush of quiet excitement.
No one tells you it’s like carrying
an elephant on your back,
or that secrets are rising spirits
or a doomsday cloud.
When you smell them on the air, watch out!
Like a dybbuk,
they come back for haunting.
They come back to claim your soul.

dybbuk- (dib’ek) Jewish Folklore-a spirit of one deceased that enters the body of a living person and possesses it

Amazed said...
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